Choosing Your Sangat - To Follow The Crowd Or Not?

Let me start off by saying this is not a 'how I got into Sikhi post', this is just my experience with choosing the right sangat and why it is so important. I believe this may help many other people getting into Sikhi who are still at school.

Ok, so when I started secondary school in year 7 I was a mona (use to cut my hair), I use to listen to heavy metal and rock music and use to wear baggy clothes. I was not interested in Sikhi at all apart from having the odd Khanda sticker on my door. I didn't have any Indian friends and pretty much knew nothing about Punjabi culture.

Guroo started pulling me into Sikhi in year 10 after watching a film about Shaheed Udham Singh (I don't want to go into too much detail as I will write a post about how I properly got into Sikhi!). Basically, watching the film inspired me to keep a Dastaar - although I still used to shave. Just before getting into Sikhi fully and properly, I started to get into Indian culture. I started going to Indian parties - I never used to go before, I started doing bhangra, I started listening to Hindi music and watching Bollywood movies (Vaheguroo!) and even giving up the drums and picking up the dhol. So the only thing I needed now was Indian friends.

In my year there were only 3 or 4 other Indians. I was really desperate for "sangat" at the time so I really tried to impress them and show how "Indian" I am. We set up a dhol group, that didn't last long, and even arranged to do a bhangra dance infront of the whole school - which ended in me giving a performance by myself, Vaheguroo. At that time I really idolised Jazzy B and even wanted/started to look like him.

Long story short, thankfully for me, they were too proud of caste and I did not want to be associated with such people, and I don't think they really wanted to be associated with me.

The end of year 11 came up and I had no idea of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. After alot of searching I applied for a Music BTEC at 6th form with another school, thinking I could actually pursue it as a career. I started on the first day and already I didn't know what it was, but something made me feel really out of place. None of the other boys really made an effort to talk me, despite me going to primary school with most of them. At lunch I had had enough so I walked home. My mum said all of the obvious things a mum should say. I knew I didn't want to give up that easily and convinced myself that I would go back the next day to give it another shot. So the next day came, I was trying to feel positive but it wasn't really happening. To help matters, during form time in the morning one of the other boys had made a Bin Laden comment and to my surprise the teacher didn't say anything, instead just laughed a little. I went to my first Music lesson and as soon I got in I remember the teacher saying "OK so your first piece of homework for this class will be due in tomorrow, I want you to write a 500 word essay on a microphone". I thought Dhan Vaheguroo I only know 10 words max about a microphone let a lone 500! As soon as the lunch bell went off I headed back home for the second time. This time I knew I didn't want to go back. I told my mum and although she was a bit skeptical at first, she eventually understood.

I went back to my old school and asked if it was possible if I could start on their 6th form, and luckily I could. I was even more happy that a couple of friends I knew from outside of school were also on the same course as me. One was 'Sikh' (mona) and the other was a Muslim. This is where the problems started.

As I was searching for "Indian sangat" I was over the moon that finally there would have been some good sangat on the same course as me.

At this point I had started keeping my dhaari. When I have finished my work during classes I would spend the majority of time listening to Keertan on my iPod and researching about Sikhi and Gurmat on the internet.

During our 'free time' in the common room they would start talking about girls. I just kept my iPod plugged in and continued listening to Gurbani. Then in class when I would listen to keertan, my punjabi friend would change it and listen to bhangra, as if he owned it. I would be listening to keertan and it would be like "Sant Janaa Mil Har Jas Gaaeiou..... meri nachdi de khul gai vhaal.." Dhan Vaheguroo! Unfortunately due to my weaknesses I didn't say anything and continued listening to bhangra. I thought oh, this is what Punjabis do nowadays, I want to be one of them so I won't say anything.

Progressively things got worse. They started bunking lessons, and I followed. They used to go to gravesend to meet girls and I just felt so out of place. Sometimes they would even go to the pub and start drinking at 2 o clock in the afternoon! Other 'Punjabis' would come and start smoking cannabis. With Guroo's kirpa I never went to these places and just went home instead.

I remember one day being pulled up in the Assistant Head Teachers office. She said how another teacher had reported some kids truanting and one of them had a turban. She was calm and knew through my previous years at the school that I was a good lad. I explained it was the sangat I was with and she said "I know." Although that really shook me up, I can't stop thinking about how amazing Guroo Sahib is. If you wear a Dastaar it means you have responsibility and you can be spotted from a crowd of millions. It was like Mahraaj was saying "You've made the stupid mistake, now you have deal with the consequences!"

Long story short (again), things continued like that but bit bit I was getting stronger in my Sikhi. We missed so much work that our tutor was constantly on our case to catch up and finish so we can get the qualification. In the end we stopped going and didn't actually get the qualification in the end. 1 whole year totally wasted!

Academically I gained nothing, but Sikhi and sangat wise I learnt a huge amount. If I would have stuck with my non Sikh friends like previous years, they would have kept me on track and I could have my BTEC now. But due to my own naivety I wanted to be around "my own kind" and I lost out on so much.

Moral of the story: Sangat doesn't mean "our own Punjabi lok", they can be white, black, blue and green. As long as they keep you on the right path that's what you want! For some reason I kept thinking being around non Sikhs is going to get my no where and being with Punjabi people is the way forward. In the end the Punjabis led me down a dangerous path and had no consideration for "our Sikhi", whilst the non Sikhs had been much more loyal to me and respected all of my beliefs.

Dhan Vaheguroo.